I know You are out there, lady. I know that not insurmountably far from here, you're living out your life, not knowing that we'd be perfect for each other. This may sound crazy, but you know... it's a crazy world. I'm serious about this. Now, in situations like this, there are a lot of feelings on the line. You know, how you in order to get something out of a deal like this have to risk tearing your heart out of your chest and without too much consideration handing it over to someone. It might be stomped on, spat at, thrown out, locked away, put in cold storage, you name it. Sustained experiences with intense people is a risky business. And that's what I'm after.

So I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to be open and direct, and present you with me, from a perspective as unbiased as I'm capable of, so that you at your leisure may conclude whether or not you think I'm right. For You.

Good stuff

These are things that I consider, as neutrally as I can and in no particular order, to work to my advantage in this sort of situation.

I've been raised properly by two good parents. I chew with my mouth closed, I rise when my lady rises, I take my left hand out of my pocket when I shake hands, I always put the toilet seat down when I'm done, and I look into your eyes when we discuss something important.

I'm decently romantic, sensitive, and in-touch with people I care about. I listen to what you say. I believe in meeting people by a fluke. I like writing poetry and stories, and if I feel you are the one for me; if you inspire me, there is nothing I wouldn't try to do for you.

I've been around the world a good deal: four continents and twenty-six countries, alone and with company, and I consider myself a pretty seasoned traveller. I like going abroad, more than most things. I endeavour to widen my horizons this way, and I would want you to experience this with me.

My profession is in all likelihood going to end up being that of a doctor. While I realize this is an occupation that may take up a lot of my time, I also believe it to be exciting, stimulating, and financially secure.

I have a knack for remembering things, whether I want to or not. So you can rest assured that the things you tell me, about your life, your interests, your likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs, your birthdays and middle names, your friends, your secret wishes, will with utmost probability end up being remembered by me, quite possibly for the rest of my life.

I'm into and perpetually fascinated by astronomy. If we lay on a blanket in the middle of the night reaching for heaven, there's a good chance I could tell you about some of the things we'd be seeing. What they're called and why, how far away and how big they are, and how I'd feel (if you cared to hear it) about the prospect of going there. Few things in life have struck me with as much romance, beauty and awe as the Cosmos around us.

I'm not too much into sports, and I don't like beer. So you won't have to worry about me disappearing out of your life when a world cup is on, or stay away for long pub-evenings with 'the boys'.

I've read a lot of books and I know a lot of stuff. Really. If you're eager to talk about things: history, religions, movies, art, authors, physics, computers, poetry, places, foreign cultures, mathematics, philosophy, books, people, the Internet, computer games, aeroplanes, anatomy, martial arts, mammals, trees, popculture, insects, fish, reptiles, planetary science, healthcare, psychology, comics, and a variety of other topics, I'll most likely be up for it, and able to hold my own. If you're just hankering for a game of Trivial Pursuit, that's fine too.

Sexuality: experience and information

In my life, I haven't been very good with lasting relations. I have a total of nine in my opinion serious relationships behind me, at the time - all during my years between seventeen and twenty-four - entered into with honest intentions to make them work. They all lasted roughly between three and six months. That's as long as I've been involved with any one person. More about this later.

I have had penetrative sex with a total of eleven people, all of them women, ranging in age from eighteen to thirty-seven. Out of these exchanges, two were one-evening insertions, nine included cunnilungus, and eight included fellatio. Two were with married women. I was twenty-one the first time I had penetrative sex, and I lost my virginity in Connecticut.

Though I would rather have had it otherwise, I have been known to suffer from the predicament known as premature ejaculation during four sessions of intercourse. Three out of these four cases occurred the first time I was with someone new, and so this seems to be the most common trigger. I am not circumcised, and I don't shave or trim my pubic hair with any degree of regularity.

So far, I haven't recieved any complaints regarding my ability, as it were, in bed. Since none of the women I've had intercourse with were, as far as I could judge, the kind that would complain if they felt that might be in order, though, this cannot be relied on to mean a whole lot.

I am a recovered virginoholic. That is, for a couple of years in my late teens, finding out that a woman of potential interest was not a virgin would usually make me abandon all hopes and/or plans regarding me and her, unless she seemed to show sincere regret that her first one wasn't me. I couldn't stand the idea that the powers that be would have intended some other man to get that close to her. I am, as I say, recovered. I don't think about this much anymore, but I want to be honest with you and tell you about quirky obsessions of my past.
In either case, I've only slept with one virgin (at a time during which I was not a virgin myself), and the experience did not in itself stand out from any kind of norm I might have managed to establish from my previous experiences.

I also feel it would be unfair not to tell you that in my life I've been in relationships or near-relationships with two women in particular whom I cared greatly about, and never had sex with, though I would have wanted to. My relations with these women ran like sand through my fingers, and though I did not want it, we lost all or parts of what we had, and slowly drifted away from each other, or out of touch completely. To this day, these two women still enter my thoughts now and then. I feel as if though I'm not quite done with them; there is no closure, and it is quite possible that I'll always carry them with me in parts of my heart.
I tell you this, aware of the risk that it may come to count heavily against me, for I want you to know. I want to be honest.

Bad stuff

Here I will tell you about aspects of myself which I believe would discourage someone from choosing me as a partner, and generally complicate and frustrate being around me. My dark sides, as it were.

I am, from a variety of perspectives, in a multitude of situations, extremely lazy. I emphasize this, because a lot of people claim to be lazy, but I've gotten the idea that I am more of a sloth than most. Note that this doesn't have anything to do with sleep. I enjoy going to bed really late and then sleep late, but I don't think I spend more hours sleeping more than your average person. It's just an extreme inertia regarding mostly anything that requires effort or seems cumbersome, as long as I don't consider it to be of significant importance.
I mention this first of all on purpose, since I think a lot of my bad sides have their roots here. It's easy to imagine of course, but I'll try to cover it more in detail. Because I want You to know.

What it boils down to, is that I'm not a domestic kind of guy. I'm used to living alone. I leave dirty dishes all over the kitchen for weeks, until one fine day when I might feel at least slightly inclined to roll up my sleeves and put them all in the dishwasher. I hardly ever clean, and only do laundry when I absolutely have to. If I've used an item I think I might need again in two weeks, I'd rather leave it on a table or on the floor than going through putting it away on a shelf or in a closet and then having to get it out again. This could be a book, a hammer, or a vacuum cleaner.

I'm not Mr. Interior Decoration by a longshot. The style and shape of furniture, floor, wallpaper, lamps, bookshelves, sinks and what have you, doesn't matter to me, as long as they're functioning as they are supposed to. When I'd moved in and people asked me what kind of floors or wallpapers I had in the apartment, I didn't know. This of course, means that I'm rather reluctant to do any shopping for various home appliances as long as it's not a matter of functionality. Coming to think of it, I very, very rarely spend money on anything because "it'd look good."

I'm not much of a chef, either. Since I usually feel that preparing food takes a little too much time and effort, I go through a lot of packaged microwave-food. I cook occasionally, but I only know a few dishes, and most of them are done in 15 minutes or less. (See? Even that seems like too much work every now and then. Not to mention that you end up with more dirty dishes.) Exceptions when I feel like making something more advanced come around every six months or so. Fortunately for me, I seem to have adapted to this. I can eat the same thing every day for several weeks without getting bored or sick of it.

Now, unrelated to my laziness, I am something of a geek. There are times when I feel introvert and just want to be alone with my computer and my videogames. Sometimes it can be a fair bit of time before I get back in touch. This has been known to now and then be the case even when I'm in a relationship with someone.

In relation to my geek-factor, I'm not much of an out-and-about person. If someone asks me what clubs or bars I like to go to in Stockholm, I don't really know. I haven't been to enough to get a feel for them and realize whether or not I have a preference. So I could take you to the movies, anytime. Or a museum, or a theatre, or one of those gaming halls where you equip laser rifles and vests with photoreceptors and fight each other. But if you want to go out dancing or "go out for a beer", I guess it'd be better if you led the way.

Now, like I stated earlier, I can see how the above would make me difficult to be close to for extended periods of time, and part of a reason why my relationships don't tend to last very long. A lot of people tries hard to be odd, a bit queer, and a little unique, but I feel this pretty often. It's rare for me to find someone I can connect with regarding things I'm passionate about. So, maybe I just happen to be different from most "regular people", and that's what's inevitably pulls us apart.
I used to think like this for a long time, but it hasn't been like that. The truth is, in almost all my relationships, I've been the one breaking up. I've never been left, tossed aside or betrayed because someone found me too much of an eccentric hassle to be around. So maybe it has been my outlook that's changed, rather than my partner's. Perhaps I've never really found someone perfect for me, someone I could really, really love. Or perhaps I'm just another dumb male, feeling that since I'm able to spread my seed so far and wide, it can't possibly be in my nature to stay around one woman for too long.

I really don't know. As a romantic, I'd like to believe in the former. That You are out there somewhere, living out Your life, subconsciously waiting to complete me. That's what I'm hoping for, now that all my honesty and openness are coming to an end.
Love me unconditionally, and I and everything that I am, will be yours.